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Dear Followers,

I regret to inform that as of a few weeks my blog will be NO MORE. Yes...I am deleting it.
Why? Well...as you are probably aware I rarely use it. I guess it's just not me anymore. I prefer to remain an anon these days...
Sorry if you are a loyal follower, I just cant have an empty blog any more! :(
Please please please add me on Facebook if you have it, I would love to stay friends with the lovely people that comment on nearly every post :D

I will still be using my lookbook for the fashion side of it, and if you do want a little giggle at the fucked up side of my blog I do have a tumblr (http://fucculent.tumblr.com/) full of image dumps from my computer!
:)

Stay fucked up out there bloggers, it's been a fine ride!
- Natasha (the wooden walrus)
xo

Calypso

(yep, growing my hair!)

I wear this dress EVERYWHERE. Urban Outfitters is my whore.
On an unrelated note (aren't my blogs always unrelated?) I went into the Apple store and got my iphone replaced for free! Stupid news I know but it made my day. Yeah, AND...I have been procrastibating (yeah you heard me) against putting the photos from Melbourne on here. I would like to say it's because I have been doing better things but to be honest I just don't want to upload them all in order and then write what happened....blah blah..etc...I will get around to it!

Widdly Scuds?

Firstly, I apologize for not posting in, well, FOREVER. But I was in the Melbournezzz for a week then crappy Canberra for another week! I have uploaded a few photos (out of six-fucking-hundred) to my flickr and will post them on here in the next few days. All I can say is Melbourne was incredible fun. I made so many fantastic friends and drank at least $600 worth of alcohol... although surprisingly I didn't go shopping much. I am too hooked on online shopping, regular shopping just bores me! Lolwut. So I was able to spend my savings on tasty tasty poison. The backpackers was amazing too, besides the fact they took our alcohol off us because 'alcohol is not permitted in the dorms'. Fucktards just wanted us to spend money in the bar. But besides that, the photos will explain the rest...about 70% of the photos where in and around the hostel, 10% at the near by Crown Casino, 10% at the airport, 5% actually OUTSIDE and the remaining 5%...I'm drunk and nude.

Hope you are all well, little muffin tops...

▲
▲ ▲

OH NOEZ

Nom nom nom.

I want a boy that would cook me a cake like this.

Hello pretty quote,

This is probably a rare example of me being deep, brooding and intellectual...I know right? I actually enjoy the written word! Don't worry dear fucked up readers, it wont happen again. Dick jokes will be back shortly (haha get it, shortly?)

...*cough*...flaccid...

Jenna's 18th

I don't remember much...but what I do remember is watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas at 2am, Jägerbombs, and exposed breasts.
I think that constitutes a good night!

FFFUUUUUU...

I wish my hair would just hurry up and grow.

Garden Party Dress

The dress I purchased off Etsy friggin AGES ago just arrived. Bit unhappy that it took so long for her to post it but I guess she is lucky I love the dress. Plus my best friends birthday dress came with it and is even more amazing than I thought :D
*flaps arms and soars into distance*

Attack of the Killer Vibrators.

I had a brilliant idea! On my way to the airport I am going to buy at least 15 dildos and stash them in my purse. When I arrive at customs I am going to take them all out, one by one, and place them on the conveyor belt. After going through to collect them at the other end I will exclaim REALLY loud; "It's cool guys! They aren't weapons of mass destruction! Just weapons for the unending war against my vagina!" wink, and walk away.

I hope to god there will be little children and judgmental parents behind me.

OR I could just get a huge trench coat filled with strapped on dildos, keep it closed and then walk up to customs and say really loud "I have something to declare!" and rip open the coat.

Haha ohhh de Sade would be proud.

Little Black Dress

I brought this dress today for $49. It has a petticoat underneath and the most adorable bow at the back! *jizz*
Shoes are from Urban Outfitters (fit perfectly!), so is the bag and the hat I got off etsy a while back.
Oh, and don't worry! I am working on a video blog at the moment!
:{D

Calling all Melbournites!

Our little gang will be down there on the week of the 26th this month! I ask you, fluffy munchers, any good gigs? Events? Tourist sites? Clubs? Parks? Strip Clubs? Nudist Colonies? All of the above?
Even so, I would love to frolic with a fellow Melbournite while down there, lets bond ;)
I don't bite...much.
nom om nom nom nom om nom

Retrogasm

I'm having a little sale on my store :) Thought I would put a discount on everything as I am having a good day! Heaps of stuff under $25 and up to 50% on everything else ♥
And because I'm feeling EXTRA nice, if you put "WOODEN WALRUS" as a message to seller when you buy something I will refund 15% of your order :D

Vlog

Come one, come all, I am making a video blog!
I wouldn't have a clue what to talk about so throw ideas at me. Anything, honestly. I can answer questions, tell jokes, fart, wrestle with my cat, say unusual words over and over or even dance around my room in nipple tassels singing "A Whole New World" (that last one might get me in trouble...)
So come forth bloggers, tell tails of the new world! *stares off into distance dramatically*

ASK AWAY.

Hurr Durr I'm a Burr

Hello, Urban Outfitters.

Hurry up in the mail and BE ON MY BODY.

Yo,

I'm a dementor...in da hood.

AHOY!

It finally arrived! Too bad yesstyle's idea of "One Size" doesn't cater for a curvy figure. Bit tight, but still fits :)
We went to sizzler. The food is awful, but the deserts are great. I had desert for dinner. Yeah, I went there...bitches.
ONWARD NOBLE STEEDS

Yeah, Jenna changed outfits :P

MELBOURNE HOLIDAY

Yes, yes yes. Jenna and I are going to Melbourne on the 26th of July to visit our best friend Jessica! We have planned to get drunk on champagne the whole flight even though our flight is at 8am. That's wrong you say? Sign of an alcoholic you say? Well we will just take big steps through the airport in slow-mo because we will be astronauts, and astronauts obviously cant be drunk. So there. Problem solved. Then I will take off my bra screaming "I'M A FREE WOMAN" and throw it at the airport security.

Dear universe, never EVER let me grow up.
Sincerely, Papa Smurf McDonald.

asdfhf

So all the bums hang out by my local store. They have a leader we call King Bum...He got dethroned by police today for choking a hooker. The bum hierarchy is in shambles right now.


Also, I declare blue a flavour.

What I Brought

Thank you Etsy for being the bestest thing ebbberrrr :3

I also got my bestest friend Jenna a birthday present, but I cant show that one ;)

Martinz

What a pretty shoe :O
(link)

Mustard

WOOAH THERE
tsk tsk tsk
This be my new hair!
It's actually tied up at the back, so no, I didn't cut it all off :)

Quick, to the slutcave!

Holy herpes batman!

Sailor Dress

Accidentally landed on a $10 coupon for yesstyle.com.au and got this little beauty for only $25! Yeaaahhh dude. And tomorrow I'm getting my hair dyed like these lovely ladies:

SO MUCH EXCITE!